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:icondrashian: More from drashian


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Submitted on
June 27, 2010
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i am fighting with dragons
when i try to spit out any
semblance of reason. the
moment i try to start i am
overcome with what i once
thought was a shortcoming
but i know now to be ghosts
of what i used to value (life)

i am a death
hidden in the
leaves of your
favourite novel

i am honestly bad for the health
of any traveling bard or passing
soldier. i am a plague. i am your
sickness.  i am an anaesthetic.

i am a vaccine against
polio/heartbreak/colic
or was is jaundice?
i'm yellow-skinned,
i'm yellow-bellied and
i'm yelling to the sky
like i can't hear the
sirens.

I JUST WANT TO SPEND A DAY
IN YOUR (SOMEBODY'S) ARMS
LIKE I BELONGED, LIKE I WAS
A PART OF THE FAMILY.
APART FROM THE FAMILY.

i can't help SCREAMING because dear
i don't know who "you" are anymore
and nobody is listening to this but
the static is thinning. i'm still the
mountain of broken toys i was
assumed to be so long ago.
i'm pulling my guts out.
i'm pulling my ears.
i'm listening but i
can't hear you.
i'm just head-
banging to
my own
beat.
I WOULD PROBABLY BUY MY WAY OUT OF THIS TOWN
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:iconkittylivers:
kittylivers Oct 4, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I really liked the word choice that you had within this poem, particularly the whole yellow section in the fourth stanza. The word play was very clever and worked extremely well.

I also really liked the second stanza, because I knew exactly what you meant.

Overall though, I thought that the stanzas weren't very unified. There was no imagery that carried all the way through and it left me feeling kind of lost.

I also found the structure of the last stanza kind of distracting, but then I'm not a huge fan of experimental structure.

That's just my two cents, and if you don't find it helpful, you can just ignore my ramblings.
:D
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:icondrashian:
drashian Oct 6, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! And thanks for the input!

Yeah, I do have a problem with mixing my metaphors and such and not keeping the unified strusture, et cetera.
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:iconkittylivers:
kittylivers Oct 10, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Hey, at least you know. That's the first step to recovery.

Or something.
:P
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:iconiiemilie:
I love how this poem flows nice and evenly. There is just so much deep emotion hidden in each phrase, one would need to read it over a couple times to decipher the meaning. Emotions like this are often near impossible for me to put into words and have it come out the way yours did. A poet like you that can find a way to bring it all out in your poems the way you can honestly has a rare and unique amount of talent.

I like the Jaundice part, "I'm yellow-skinned, I'm yellow bellied and I'm yelling at the sky" it was very clever. My number one favorite part was the very first stanza because it seems like you were trying to let it all out, but you didn't know how or maybe something held you back or you were at a loss of words. Then things got flowing and the emotion just kept building and building until it all just settled down in the end.

I honestly haven't been practicing my poetry and writing lately, I am an ameteur when it comes to writing poetry. When I write a poem and I look back on it, I see that I did terribly in choice of words. I want to get better, and I believe that I could possibly learn a thing or two by reading some of your poems. It's really not in my place to say all that I've written above when the others have pretty much beaten me to it. I just want to say that you are a truely wonderful poet that has such incredible talent that I have never seen before. I love this poem, and don't ever stop writing poetry... because I would love to read more. c:
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:icondrashian:
drashian Aug 15, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much! This was really a joy to read. c:

I think that a lot of poetry is just thinking of new ways to say the same old things. I could express myself in a million cliched, overused phrases, but I instead try to think of new words and turns of phrase that work for me.

You are tooooo sweet hun! <3 <3 <3
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:iconjeffreyboutte9:
jeffreyboutte9 Aug 14, 2010  Professional Traditional Artist
Great story/poem. :D
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:icondrashian:
drashian Aug 14, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much!
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:iconjeffreyboutte9:
jeffreyboutte9 Aug 14, 2010  Professional Traditional Artist
your welcome :D
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:iconamaguard:
amaguard Jun 27, 2010  Student General Artist
to be honest the line spacing and flow didn't work for me the first time around. I'm not sure whether that was because I wasn't reading it right or what because I did something else and then came back and realized I hadn't commented so I read it again and it read a zillion times better.
The metaphors and shit are really good, really well done. I love the yellow --> yelling etc part. Favorite part. It works, it flows well, and it's a damn good piece of language.

I get really confused when reading poetry because when the first person I is used I have to decide who the speaker is meant to be. This is just my random thought, because with all poetry I wonder whether it's the authors or some character's or just you know. Whatever. I don't think it matters really. And if it does, especially when I'm reading people I know's poetry, I don't want to know. I like the mystery left in it. I find that interesting though, reading stuff or looking at pictures just thinking of what the message is. And who it's from. I mean in theory it's always from the creator, but who are they giving the message to carry to me? Okay that made no sense this is unrelated now, I guess.

I think this is really good, and the fact that I sort of blargh'd at it the first time might have made it better in fact. It meant it required a bit more focus, attention, and thought. Which is all good. Like a higher level, yanno?
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:icondrashian:
drashian Jun 27, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
JUST SO YOU KNOW BEFOREHAND this comment made my day because it's all LONG and PRETTY and it's FROM YOU. I'm SO LAME.

Thankyouthankyouthankyou you are very nice. And I guess that's kind of... good the "not liking it at first" thing? UPPER LEVEL THINKING.

And yeah, I know, right? Like I usually assume poetry is from the writer's perspective but sometimes it just THROWS me because it's a character and WOAHWHAT. But in a good way. And yeah, I usually more or less write from my own perspective, but sometimes to myself, sometimes to the reader, sometimes to an imaginary person. And it's not even all necessarily true. But YEAH it's always an interesting thought! Because sometimes you wonder who they're addressing or if they're addressing themselves or even anyone at all.
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